Have you read the phrase ‘feminine softness’ in passing? And maybe you feel put off by it, because it sounds like mushy green peas. Or an ad for meadow-fragranced fabric conditioner. Or some form of female-doormat-ism.
This can therefore add to the confusion around essential femininity as it sounds like something you have to ‘do’ or change about yourself in what can seem like a negative way. When actually it’s more of a natural shift in approach when you have a revelation of ‘feminine being’.
There are few women who have not been tainted by the-conveyor-belt-of-doing way of life, as it is embedded in the overly masculinised energetic infrastructure of the conditioned world aka as the patches of earth where you and I have taken root.
This way of life goes against the design of the feminine woman because it keeps us firmly entrenched in our head with practically not much more than zero knowledge of our heart and sometimes even less of a meaningful connection with God. Where does that leave us? Sub-zero? Treading this weary path can lead to a ‘hardened’ state of contraction, tedium, boredom, listlessness, staleness and stress. This state will be experienced differently for an individual woman. If we imagine there is a scale of one to ten, not all women will be at ‘ten’. When the natural shift happens, as we begin to see our inherent value as a ‘feminine being’ there is an expansion, lightness, an awareness of innate purpose, possibility, creativity and fluidity aka softening.
If this is something that is tugging at your heart, I offer private feminine mentoring. You can also start your journey by treating yourself to The Art of Feeling workshop. It is simple and straightforward and intelligent. All you have to be is literate and willing (which you are because you’re reading this post).
What does ‘soften’ mean?
While we could pull out a number of strands, to soften at its simplest, means to be in your body, rather than in your head. That’s it. There are things you can do to facilitate that and things you can drop that get in the way of that. Rediscovering the lost art of feminine feeling and learning to connect to the eternal source within will bring noticeable and positive organic change. It’s simple, but not necessarily easy for a woman who is habituated to what I refer to as the masculinised feminine. However, whatever your starting point you can become the woman who understands the language of the feminine.
Myth no. 1
It’s about shrinking yourself and making yourself small and weak. That’s what we do when our subconscious is riddled with limiting mental constructs partnered up with unfelt emotion. But what there will be, as you move from masculinised feminine to thriving essential feminine is a vulnerability – when your heart is naked and vibrant and alive before the Creator of All Things. It is true vulnerability and it is only with this strong inner connection that it is then appropriate to bring your open heart to the world around you. This is not the vulnerability of ‘over-sharing’ or of lab-based research – it transcends both. It’s the vulnerability of the feminine heart which paradoxically is true feminine strength, as it remains and resides in its divine Source.
It’s about wearing pastels and calico cotton dresses. Nothing could be further from the truth, and there is nothing wrong with that. I’ll admit I am a frock girl and I love a good cotton dress. I also love certain shades of pink, but I don’t on the whole float around town adorned in in pastels. Femininity is a spiritual/energetic quality poured out through a woman who is individual and unique in her own right. Each woman is different with a different mix of individual energies, personality gifts, body types and undertones and complexions. And let’s not forget creativity. One women might wear leather trousers and a ruffle blouse and another (possibly me) will wear a forties tea dress and plimsolls. A woman who is attuned to her feminine nature will be ‘felt’ energetically, whatever she is wearing. As we receive ever deepening revelations of our true nature, how we express ourselves through clothes will likely change. It’s a journey of unfolding.
It means never getting angry. Shall we lie around laughing for this one? Okay, I’m back. True anger is a clarifier and without it some feminine-led women might not wake up to the feminine, ever. Sometimes until we see how much we put up with (due to habits of masculine exaggeration and consequently feminine distortion), and how tired we are with some very unnatural containers in life, we might not ask what else is possible. If you are sensing a lot of what is going on in the world right now, and sadly so many aren’t you will not only feel anger, but also possibly deep despair. These states are always a call to go to the eternal source within and feel deeply. If we don’t attend to feminine feeling the whale-like suffering of everything will swallow us whole and consume us. Anger helps us to polish our window of meaning and move the whale into different waters.
An authentic cry of distress can be more powerful than ‘talking communication’ for the feminine, because it is a statement of feeling not an attack on form. There is nuance to this – if it is an area you would like support with, please book some private mentoring. It’s okay to feel angry, you also want to understand what it is revealing to you.
It means putting other people’s needs above your own. This is linked to the above. And can be a real bind, I know. There is a natural agreeableness that women tend to have, and then when you add in trauma-left-overs and the hard slog of riding the conveyor-belt-of-doing, it’s an untamed wild west of unmet needs. It’s not even that you put others’ needs above your own, sometimes your needs are not even seen, ever – they don’t make it to the queue. If you are feeling pin-pricks of resonance as you read this, there is good news. You can shift this. Your three-pronged approach? Feeling, reflection and intention.
The feminine woman gives from her overflow – the twist is that she is responsible for maintaining that sense of ‘overflow’. I have another post coming soon that will add some depth to this – it will uncover a hidden area of need for the feminine, but it is rarely recognised or it is conflated with something else. Stay tuned.
Myth no. 5
Feminine softness is optional. We can choose to operate from the masculinised feminine if we want to and there are advantages – it’s easier to fit in, it’s easier to be applauded for compulsive achieving, it’s easier to make money through unexamined logic and it can be an effective pain-killer, for a while. However, if you are truly a feminine-essenced being you will be wanting a different option, because in the long run we find living in the masculinised feminine is not nourishing, is not healthy, is not healing, is not sustainable and it is certainly not fulfilling.
Which option do you choose? If you’d like to get back into your body I invite you to start here.